Really not much going on in the life and times of the Wagstaff Family. I have been in rehearsal many hours of the day and catching up on some reading. I just finished Ender's Game and thought it was brilliant.

Our little Ruby has been visiting the Call family in Burley, Idaho since last Wednesday and I MISS HER! I realized that I have not been away from her for more than a few days at a time and I am ready for her to COME HOME!

I had the nicest surprise (again)! My nephew Jason and his cute family came to visit for a few hours the other night. Jason made me a bird house! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! He and Kim have the sweetest children in the world. They are so loving and kind. It always does my heart good to hug the guts our of their kids. (I am positive that they are relieved when the Aunt Edye hugs are over.)

I will post some pictures of the bird house soon... it is so cool!

Vosco. I have been mourning my family unit today. I got to see Vos for 30 minutes yesterday and it warmed my heart. Every time I leave him I leave a chunk of my heart there with him.

On Friday he will be taken to "Alliance for Youth" in American Fork, Utah. If he is successful in their program, the fastest he can go through is about 11 months. After that, he will go somewhere like a "Proctor Home" for an unspecified amount of time. After that, he will go to a community placement (like family or friend) before he is allowed back in the home. He may not come home again until after he is 18. Even then, he may not be allowed home.... I don't know what the judge will order.

I guess I am feeling like we didn't do enough. We haven't traveled as a family at all. We haven't gone to Disneyland. We haven't been on a family trip since Ruby was born. Now, we never will. Lord knows we have spent every last resource to get help for our boy, but that left nothing for 'fun'. What memories with they have? What stories will they tell their children? Will any of them be good? I don't know how to answer that.

I had the sweetest surprise this morning. My niece, Kelsey came in to see Music and the Spoken Word! Since I was in rehearsal in Logan on Thursday I wasn't able to perform today so we sat together!

Now, I know I have been missing my family A LOT. I can't explain how good it felt to see her, hug her and giggle with her. I have missed her so much more than I even realized! I definitely need to GO HOME and see my siblings and their kids.

Kelsey, thank you for coming to SLC. I know it was an extremely early morning. Thanks for choosing to share it with your old Aunt Edye.

I love you!

You're a Good Man Charlie Brown!

Here are the dates for my show:

June 17, 18, 19, 25, 27th (27th M&E)
July 18th M&E, 21, 31

Performances will be in the Caine Lyric Theatre, 28 West Center Street in Logan, UT For tickets, call 435-797-8022

Please come and giggle with us!

There is light.....

Well, we have been told 'unofficially' that Vosco will be going into a group home in American Fork, UT. I don't know when that will happen, but very likely in the next few days.

The director of this home came and interviewed Vosco on Friday. Vosco said he felt very comfortable with this gentleman and that he felt like this would be a good place.

When his caseworker called me she asked if we would be wanting to take part in the therapy for Vosco. I said, "Of course! He is our son! We will do whatever it takes to help him through this!" Her response, "Oh, well, that's great. The vast majority of parents don't want to do that, so I guess I will need to keep him closer to home."

WHAT?!?!?!?

The parental units don't want to participate in FAMILY THERAPY?!?!? Whatever.

Thank you so much for your love and support. I will keep you posted as things develop.

Any of you who really know me, know that when life gets difficult, I do a show. I know, working in theatre can be stressful in an of itself. However, it is a stress I can actually CONTROL! I run the rehearsals (musically, anyway) and when in rehearsal I am like a man - SINGLE MINDED!!! NOTHING enters my mind during the rehearsal hours except the show.

Well??? My production of Seussical the Musical opens on Monday. Whew! I started rehearsing You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown last week for the Old Lyric Repertory Company. Thus, I am adequately 'distracted.'

There are a few things that seep through the rehearsal barrier. One such thing happened today.

During my 25 minute break at school I often go into the office because I find the office personnel rather comical. Four of these ladies have sons who are either about to leave or have very recently left to serve a mission for the LDS Church. It has been fun for me to watch them get ready to send their 'little boys' off into the mission-field. None of these ladies have served a mission so they really don't know what is in store for those boys, but they are nervous and scared for them.

Today, their conversation revolved around how hard it is for them right now. They just don't know how they are going to survive without their boys. They complained about how difficult it was to see them go into the MTC. They mourned the fact that they couldn't go farther than security in the airport when their little boys left for their areas of service. They were so SAAAAAD because of all of the above.

Frankly, I wanted to slap them. Do you have any idea how thrilled I would be to be able to send my child on a mission?!?!?

Court yesterday was difficult. Although we don't know exactly where Vosco will end up, these things we do know. 1) We have no more decision making power in the life of our 14 year old son. 2) It may be YEARS before the four of us can EVER do anything together again. 3) We will have limited (if any) moral influence on our son during his remaining juvenile years. 4) We may NEVER live together as a family again. 5) Although we have no decision making power in our son's life we still get the distinct pleasure of paying the state 'child support' until he is out of their custody.

I do not tell you this so you can "feel sorry for me" or for any other silly reason like that. Our life is what it is. We will do everything in our power to make sure our Vosco gets EVERYTHING he needs to succeed in this life. Ultimately, the success or failure of his treatment lies in his hands, but we will never stop doing what we can.

All I ask is this: PLEASE be grateful for the gifts you are given. These families who have missionaries out will see blessings in their lives FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES! I have been off my mission for over 22 years and I STILL see blessings from my service.

Sometimes blessings have some discomfort associated with them. In the midst of the trials we have faced we have seen an abundance of blessings and our faith has increased. I wish I didn't have to go through this trial... but I am grateful to take it head on and fight with all of my might.

Just be grateful and don't whine!

Vosco goes to court Tuesday morning. Please keep us all in your prayers.

Little Keean arrives 14 weeks early....

My very sweet nephew, Travis and his wife, Amy had their baby make a surprise entrance on May 2nd. He weighed only 2lb. 4oz. Please include them in your prayers. He has a long road ahead of him before he can come home to his big sister, Paige!

Talk about Rollercoasters.....

By now, most of you have heard the news. Vosco is not in our home anymore. It is very likely that it will be about two years before he will be back.

Reed and I accompanied him to court this morning. Vosco took responsibility for his actions and plead guilty to the charge against him. It was a very difficult day.

I have found that it doesn't matter how many crime dramas you watch on TV, you have NO IDEA what the justice system is like until you experience it firsthand. Reed and I were instructed that we were to sit on either side of Vosco in the courtroom. Also, we were told we cannot touch him in any way while he is in custody.

I walked into the room first. I saw my boy turn and look at me with the most sullen expression on his face. Then I saw them.... shackles. He had handcuffs on with a chain that went down to join another chain that was attached to ankle cuffs. I was not expecting this.... I never know what to expect anymore.

I kept it together for the hearing. I had to consciously hold my hands together so I wouldn't accidentally touch him. I just wanted to hug him and let him know that we love him and that it will all be OK in time. Not today.

As Reed and I left the courtroom the ability to breathe left me... I started to hyperventilate and the tears.... oh boy! Those tears just flew out of my eyes. I completely fell apart! Some people needed to talk to us and we needed to get some paperwork so I had to get it together.

Then I got in the car. I don't think I have cried this hard since I lost my parents! The pain is very real, and you can actually feel the fissures expand in your heart. Finally, I understand the term "gut-wrenching." I would not recommend it for anyone.

As soon as I got in the car I was on the phone to my sister, Linda. I drove right to her house and just let it all out. I am so grateful for sisters.

Even amidst the confusion, pain and utter helplessness, there are small, tender mercies from my Father. He sneaks relief into my heart just as I am certain it will break beyond repair. The fissures close a bit and it makes it possible to find a little hope the next time my heart is rent wide.

Our baby, Ruby started therapy last Thursday. She really likes her therapist and I am confident that we have made a good choice there.

I pray we can be the parents BOTH of our children need. I can't begin to imagine how hard it was for my Father in Heaven to let us go... knowing the mistakes we would make. I can't imagine the pain that I have inflicted on my Savior.

It's funny, how help comes. A friend of mine asked me to help her daughter get ready for an audition and I was thrilled to do so. I made it clear that I was doing this for FUN - not money. Yet, the other day she handed me a thank you gift and a check for $140. That will come in so handy with the many bills and charges being incurred right now.

Once again, we have been reminded of the importance of a full tithe. Somehow, we are going to make it through this. Financially, physically, mentally and mostly Spiritually.

Thank you for not abandoning me.

Blessings come in all packages

I have to say this: Even in your darkest night there are blessings awaiting you. Yep, this has been just about the most difficult and horrendous week I have ever experienced. However, I can't deny the peace I have been given, the love expressed by family and close friends and the immense love from Heavenly Father.

I went to choir rehearsal last night already fatigued and basically spent. I asked for an appointment with President Christensen, (Mr. Mac - the suit guy). I told him everything that had transpired over the last week as well as the history I had been given. He listened quietly. After I was finished, he patted my arm and said, "Your children are so blessed to have parents that love them so completely." I asked him for a blessing and he gave me a beautiful blessing with powerful guidance and promises.

For the first time in days, my heart was at peace. I felt the broken parts heal a bit and have confidence that my Father in Heaven will guide Reed and I through this. I was promised that all those who are chosen to work with our children would be led by the hand of God.

I will not share the very personal details of our family's struggle in such a public forum. Know that we feel your prayers. We feel your love. We feel your support.

This, too, shall pass and our little family unit will be stronger than we ever thought possible. My Father in Heaven sent these little spirits into our home - as well as the challenges that would come with them.

We love you.

I don't really know how to write this... I will just do my best. I am not going to give a lot of details.

Vosco has made some serious mistakes - I had NO IDEA about some of them. When I finally did find out, I had to call the authorities. He has been placed in custody at the Youth Detention Center. There is a hearing tomorrow morning.

I don't know what the future holds. I also don't know much more than the aforementioned. I will keep you posted as much as possible.

Please, please keep my little family in your prayers. Ruby and Vosco especially.

Waiting, even impatiently, is OK

Well, I Finally got the doctor's office to respond. I was told that they goiters are NOT cancerous but that I need to come in every six months to have them checked. If they start to grow at all, they will remove the thyroid.

I am hopeful they will just STOP growing. Just say no and all that...

Easter with Elder Holland

Easter Egg Hunt

Ok, here is the story, Morning Glory!

Ruby informed me earlier in the week that we would be hosting a NEIGHBORHOOD Easter Egg Hunt. She gave me a list of about 15 children that would be in attendance. Yesterday I went out and purchased over 12 pounds of candy and over 100 plastic eggs. I figured with the 150 or so we have at home those additional 100 would be about right.

Vosco and I stuffed all the eggs this morning and had some leftover candy, so the Easter Bunny laid some snack bags filled with candy along with the eggs. We hid the eggs all over our yard and in the trees etc.

Ruby had slept over at a friends' house so we called her and told her to get the kids here in 10 minutes. Finally, Ruby and Rachel come up the street.... no other kids.

RUBY HAD "FORGOTTEN" TO INVITE THE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!!!!

They all had other plans. Thus, Ruby, Rachel and Adam collected ALL 12 pounds of candy for THEMSELVES!

The mother was less than pleased.

No news, Easter and Conference

Well, here it is, Friday and no news from the hospital. Yesterday I went into the hospital at 9:30 to take my "Radioactive Iodine" pills. At 1:45 I went back to the hospital and they checked my radiation levels in my neck and my thigh.... then took some pictures of my thyroid from the front and sides. I returned at 9AM today for some more radiation level checks. This is called a "Thyroid Uptake and Scan." I was REALLY hopeful that the radiologist would have time to read the scans today so I wouldn't have to go through the weekend without any information.

No such luck.

Tomorrow we are hosting an Easter Egg Hunt in our yard for the neighborhood. Ruby informed me the other day that we were doing that. So, I am the official Easter Bunny for about 15 kids! Sweet!

It was so nice to be able to sing in General Conference. These last three months I have been on leave have really made me miss the choir! I wish everyone could experience Conference the way you do when you are in the choir. I can't really explain it.... but to share the stand with all of those leaders is something else. You cannot deny the spirit and its power. You cannot deny the power of the Holy Priesthood when sitting there witnessing this firsthand.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to sing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Every time I rehearse or perform is another opportunity to bear witness of truth - and I love that!

I miss my cute parents horribly. I would have loved to have been in the choir while my parents were still alive. It would have meant so much to my Mom and Dad to see me doing that work. I know, I know, they can see me now just like they could when they were alive... it is just different. I would have liked to share this experience with them firsthand. You are never old enough to be without your parents.

I had an experience the other day at work. A little second grader told me that his Mommy had died. (She died of a drug overdose...) I told him how very sorry I was for him and told him that I had lost my Mommy, too. A few days later he came up to me and told me that the funeral was really hard. "They made me cry so hard I thought I was going to throw up!", he said. I hugged him tight and told him I was so sorry. I said that if he EVER needed to talk to someone or just to let his frustration out, I would be there for him. I also said that anytime he needed a hug, he could come to me. He looked up at me and said, "Ok, I will probably be back after lunch." He most certainly was..... 7 is just too young to lose a Mommy. I thought it was rough at 28!

Yearly Physical

Hello All,

Last Friday was time for my yearly physical which I haven't had for about 10 years. During the physical the doctor told me that she wanted me to have my thyroid checked because she felt some nodules on it.

I went in for an ultra-sound today. About two hours after my appointment my doctor called with the results. I have "Multinodular Goiters" and an enlarged thyroid. On my right side there is a nodule that is over 2cm in size that is different than the rest. They will do some sort of biopsy and then a scan to determine what the heck is going on there. Hopefully that will happen next week while we are in Spring Break.

The doctor told me not to worry too much. Rarely has she seen these turn out to be malignant. Of course, I would have felt better if she had said she had NEVER seen them be malignant but that is unrealistic.

If they are all benign they will just leave things as they are and watch the nodules for additional growth. At some point they can grow to the point that they impede the ability to swallow and then surgery is the only option. My only concern with surgery is that the nerves that control the vocal cords is dangerously close to the thyroid and it is at HUGE risk for damage during that procedure.

When my sister, Linda was 47 she had to have her thyroid removed because of the same thing. Her singing voice has never recovered. Although there are MANY worse things than losing the ability to sing, I don't relish the thought.

Anyway, that is the latest and greatest. Look for me on the back row in the left section of the choir during General Conference. I will be in the aisle seat!